I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
