i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
