You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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