his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
