Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
smell my finger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
