ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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