any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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