So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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