Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize