So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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