i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
