I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
