so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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