TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
