Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
