My hand turned me down
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
