Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
