so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
