First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
