If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
