He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
