You really coming over, don't trick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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