god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
