My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize