I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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