I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Barsexuality is the new black.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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