On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
birth control should be required to get into college
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
