i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
