if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
