she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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