Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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