It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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