Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize