left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
