I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
