census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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