thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
