Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just gargled with NyQuil
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
