yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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