If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
