He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
