Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
