Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
