Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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