apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready