Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle