My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas