Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.