Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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