I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
