Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your penis caused this!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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