Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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