how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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