On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
