It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
