Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
