she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
