Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
