I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
