Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
