I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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