I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
