I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
