We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
