I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
