If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
