her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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