Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There was a lot of him and a little penis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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